The New Punk Manifesto

The New Punk Manifesto

The New Punk Manifesto

Welcome to a new era, a movement about to storm the nation. It’s easy to get swept up in fads and fashion, I’ve been there, done that, bought the Evanescence T-Shirt. But this is a new concept that I believe can bring about real social change. Welcome aboard.

Your Leader:

I would consider myself to be pretty punk, in fact I am so punk that I am rebelling… against punk. That’s right, I’ve started dressing like a normal person, holding down an office job. I don’t want to conform and be like all the other punks, I want to do my own thing, go against the grain. I’ve bought some Doc Martin platform boots and I’ve customised them to look like a pair of conventional black shoes. I’m heading down to Camden Lock this weekend in full office-wear to start this movement off and I invite you all to join me.

You might be thinking “Josh this doesn’t sound very punk” but when I tell you that this mission statement was typed on a laptop that hasn’t been fully PAT tested then you will start to get an idea of the kind of rebellion I’m talking about. For too long now it’s the bombastic social minorities that have defined their generation, Mods, Teddy Boys, Punks, but now it’s time to go against that. 2015 is the year of the generic 20 something temp worker. We don’t need to protest or be destructive we can kick back at the establishment one 6 month part time contract at a time. We’ll get together in overpriced house shares and plan how we can bring down our respective call centres from the inside. We will be so inept and apathetic within our administrative roles that we will garner hated from the public onto the big corporate businesses. They’ll in turn lash out at the recruitment agencies who gave us these contracts and the whole system will implode on itself leaving us victorious.

It’s the old Punk ethos but the anarchy is more controlled, almost unnoticed, a blocked fire exit here, a breached health and safety measure there. It’s easier to beat the system if the system doesn’t know it’s in a battle. This guerrilla war has already started; it’s been 18 months since I gave my real name to a member of staff in Starbucks, they’re so wrapped up in beating the cash cow that they have failed to notice that I look nothing like a Shane.

I’ll be in Camden by the bridge at 12 midday on Saturday, not on a motorbike or scooter but on a fold up commuter bike with my trousers tucked into my socks and a safety helmet on. It would be great if you could be there too.

God Save the Queen!

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